The Day My Joy Became Bigger Than My Fear

I grew up as an underconfident, insecure, and short-tempered teenager.

Honestly, I felt average in almost everything.

At the age of 16, after going through a painful breakup, I reached such a low point emotionally that I no longer wanted to live.

That was when my elder brother encouraged me to attend a BSG meeting in May 2011 as a Future Division member.

That single decision quietly changed the direction of my life.

Finding Hope For The First Time

Through:

Doing gongyo and daimoku

Studying Discussions on Youth

Receiving encouragement from seniors in faith

Experiencing the warmth of the Soka family

…I slowly began to believe that my life had value.

For the first time in my life, I studied seriously.

I scored 92 percent in Grade 12 and secured admission into one of India’s top commerce colleges — something I had never imagined possible.

That victory transformed my self-belief completely.

“Student Division Means Shakubuku Division”

As a Student Division member, one particular encouragement from my seniors stayed deeply etched in my heart:

“SD means Shakubuku Division.”

I began chanting every day with the determination to share Buddhism with others in the same spirit as Ikeda Sensei.

That spirit transformed my life dramatically.

In 2015, our district became number one in BSG with more than 110 people attending a single discussion meeting.

Among them were nine people I had personally introduced through shakubuku, including my own mother.

That year:

I conducted more than 100 dialogues

I attended every discussion meeting with a guest

Several of my shakubukus received the Gohonzon

I graduated with third rank in college

I genuinely felt unstoppable.

Three Promises To My Mentor

During the Kyushu Training Course in 2017, while chanting at Daiseido, I made three concrete determinations to Sensei:

To chant 30 million daimoku before turning 30

To share the greatness of Ikeda Sensei with everyone

To become the best actor in the world

Those promises became the compass of my life.

When Old Tendencies Returned

In 2018, after completing my double post-graduation, I gathered tremendous courage and joined a theater group.

But very soon, my old tendencies resurfaced:

Comparing myself constantly

Seeking validation

Fear of judgment

Fear of failure

I faced rejection after rejection in auditions.

At the same time, my health began deteriorating badly.

I developed:

Allergies

Breathing problems

Acidity

Extreme fatigue

During COVID, I experienced a sudden blackout that triggered severe anxiety.

Instead of slowing down, I became harsher toward myself.

I overloaded myself trying to “prove” my worth.

I started learning:

Foreign languages

Dance

Singing

Athletics

…all at once, simply to convince myself that I wasn’t a failure.

Gradually, I became emotionally exhausted.

I cried often.

I complained constantly.

I fell sick repeatedly.

Still Fighting For Kosen-rufu

Even during this difficult phase, I continued supporting meetings and traveling to outstation cities to meet Student Division members.

But internally, fear had started controlling me.

I stopped doing shakubuku.

Deep inside, I feared people asking me:

“So what are you doing with your life now?”

That question terrified me.

The Prayer That Changed Everything

One day, I wrote down the names of 745 people.

I began chanting earnestly for their happiness, health, and victory.

I also started reading Sensei’s guidance repeatedly — sometimes 30 to 40 times in a single day.

Initially, I did this mechanically.

But gradually, my life force started changing.

Ikeda Sensei writes:

“Those who chant earnestly and wholeheartedly, with pure and sincere faith in the Gohonzon, triumph in everything.”

(SGI Newsletter 7408)

Those words became my lifeline.

Restarting My Shakubuku Spirit

Toward the Kansai Training Course in November 2024, after nearly three and a half years, I finally restarted my prayer to do shakubuku with the same heart as Ikeda Sensei.

I challenged myself intensely.

Many days, I chanted 7–9 hours of daimoku.

As a result:

I conducted 21 dialogues in six weeks

Two of my shakubukus attended meetings

My anxiety slowly began improving

Then came one of the greatest moments of my life.

On my 30th birthday, I did kosen-rufu gongyo at Daiseido with Sensei’s spirit in my heart.

That moment became my fresh departure in life.

Fulfilling My Promise

In March 2025, I completed 30 million daimoku.

I had fulfilled the first promise I made to my mentor years earlier.

At the same time:

I completed reading both volumes of the Gosho in four months

I raised a solid core group of youth

I made monthly financial contributions from my pocket money

Toward fulfilling my second promise, I also conducted “Hello Visits” to 15 inactive members in my district and connected with more than 200 members through home visits and phone calls.

My Life State Began Expanding

As my conviction in the Gohonzon deepened, my inner state transformed completely.

The biggest change was internal.

I shifted from:

Self-pity → gratitude

Fear → confidence

Overthinking → conviction

Complaining → appreciation

Even my physical health improved dramatically.

Earlier, I was constantly visiting doctors.

But for an entire year, I did not need to visit a doctor even once.

The Breakthrough I Waited Years For

Then something incredible began happening.

After five and a half years of rejection, casting agencies that had ignored me for years suddenly started calling back.

Auditions began increasing.

I started getting shortlisted for major production houses.

And finally, on December 1, 2025, I shot my very first television commercial.

It was my first professional acting breakthrough.

That same day, I made financial contribution to the Gakkai from my own acting income.

I cried with gratitude.

Fresh opportunities have continued flowing into my life ever since.

My Greatest Victory

Today, when I look back, I realize something deeply important:

My greatest victory is not acting success.

It is that my joy has finally become stronger than my fear.

People often tell me that my smile gives them hope.

For someone who once wanted to end his life, that feels like the greatest possible victory.

Key Takeaways

Self-worth cannot be built through external validation.

Daimoku transforms fear gradually but fundamentally.

Shakubuku expands one’s life force tremendously.

Human revolution is the real victory behind external success.

Consistent encouragement creates lasting transformation.

My Determination

With deepest gratitude to Sensei and everyone who supported me when I could not believe in myself, I determine to:

Chant 4.5 million daimoku in 2026

Accomplish 32 shakubukus

Become the foremost Arts Division member

Create the happiest and strongest one million by 2030

I will continue shining like a diamond — not because my life became perfect, but because I learned how to transform suffering into value.