Refusing to Retreat Even a Single Step

I started practicing in 2016. At that time, I was facing family disharmony, financial constraints, and bleak career prospects. Growing up, I saw and encountered verbal, psychological, and emotional abuse.

Exerting in faith, I was able to overcome financial obstacles and go to Amsterdam for my masters in 2018. While living abroad, I began to get easily stressed and anxious. This was the manifestation of the trauma I bore from earlier years. I constantly overthought, felt stuck in the moment mentally, and locked myself in the room for hours. My relationship with my friends and family deteriorated. Only my practice of Nichiren Buddhism and Ikeda Sensei’s guidance kept me going.

Challenging Myself to Become Healthy

When I came back to India in 2019 and found it difficult to share about my mental health issues with my family, I turned to the Gohonzon and prayed fervently to be able to open up, heal, and get better. I began studying the NHR and went back to the basics of Buddhism. Exerting in my district and chapter, I took full responsibility of members as well as Gakkai meetings. No matter how tough it was for me to get up every morning, I pushed myself to do it for the sake of my YWDs and fellow members. Doing home visits and hearing them report their victories encouraged me.

I did finally tell my family and friends about my mental condition. But they told me to focus on good things in life and saw no need for me to seek counseling. Their reactions made me slip back into my cocoon and I began to avoid gatherings.

But, while studying for a meeting, I came across this guidance: “Life is long, and there is no need to rush things. I think it’s prudent in the case of psychological disorders to seek professional advice and take time to get proper care and treatment” (WCHP-1, 276).

I found the action points to challenge my mental health in Ikeda Sensei’s guidance: “Chant daimoku, trusting in the power of the Gohonzon. Strive fearlessly and patiently. Refuse to accept defeat. Never retreat a single step. In the end, you are certain to triumph!” (ibid., 275).

I resolved, once again, to win.

Finding Allies and Breaking Through the Deadlock

In June 2023, I gathered up the courage to speak frankly with my brother, who spoke to my parents. My mother supported me in my decision to seek professional help, found the right medical institute, and even got an appointment for me, when I found it hard to make one. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety.

When my counseling began in October 2023, my psychologist, psychiatrist, and I fought like a team. Every weekend before my visit, I chanted abundant daimoku to be able to open up to the doctor and also perform all the assignments given to me in the preceeding sessions. I learned many tools, techniques, and ways to deal with my anxiety or overthinking.

As I became healthier, I plunged myself in BSG campaigns. Taking my life as a living example of the power of daimoku and Ikeda Sensei’s guidance, I began to encourage YWDs to fight in the front lines of the district and create actual proofs of faith.

Basing herself on daimoku, a YWD, who was demotivated by the low salary she was receiving and prone to overthinking like me, found the courage to take charge of her situation. She also held a dialogue with her bosses. I helped an FD, who had fought with her friends, reconnect with Ikeda Sensei through the study of The Victorious Teen and build strong bonds of friendship.

Toward March 16th meeting, all the YWD members achieved their daily daimoku and study target, and did eight to 10 home visits every week. We made handmade invites and gave them to YWDs one on one. One member attended the February discussion meeting after two years. I introduced five lives to the practice during the campaign and choreographed the dance for the meeting.

From someone who cried at the drop of a hat, I began to change into someone who smiled easily. I reconnected with my friends, apologized for having withdrawn from them, and started rebuilding our bonds of friendship. Setting healthy boundaries for myself, I ended the toxic relationships and friendships in my life.

At home, family harmony is restored. We have started spending more time as a family and, recently, we have also moved into a bigger place.

I determine to introduce 10 new lives to the practice, always base myself on Ikeda Sensei’s guidance, and prioritize my well-being to accomplish my mission of kosen-rufu.