Reclaiming My Life Through Faith, Compassion, and Human Revolution
I was introduced to Nichiren Buddhism 21 years ago when I was 17 years old.
At that time, I struggled deeply with low self-esteem and body-image issues.
I constantly compared myself with others and lacked confidence in my own worth.
But after encountering this practice, I began preparing for my board examinations based on chanting daimoku and participating actively in Gakkai activities.
To my surprise, I topped my district.
That experience completely changed my life.
For the very first time, I realized:
Through faith, I can overcome any challenge.
Becoming My Mother’s Caregiver
Years later, in 2018, life confronted me with a major challenge.
My mother was diagnosed with end-stage kidney failure.
I became her full-time caregiver.
Determined to protect her life, I began chanting seven to ten hours of daimoku daily.
I also:
Studied the Gosho and NHR every day
Encouraged YWD members
Participated actively in meetings
Focused on uplifting others despite my own pain
Interestingly, every time I encouraged someone else, hope rekindled within my own life too.
I based my struggle on these powerful lines from the Lotus Sutra:
“[T]his sutra can save all living beings. This sutra can cause all living beings to free themselves from suffering and anguish…. It can cause living beings to cast off all distress, all sickness and pain.”
(LSOC23, 327–28)
Finding Strength Amid Loss
During those difficult years, I still experienced many victories.
I built a career that genuinely fulfilled me.
My mother’s health received tremendous protection through the right environment and support.
Then in November 2020, my mother tested COVID positive.
I intensified my daimoku and threw myself into activities for the 2020 BSG General Meeting.
During this period, I received an encouragement from Sensei:
“May a palace of happiness flourish and shine, and victory cheers resound eternally, in the lives of my treasured friends who embrace a noble vow!”
Just two days later, my mother suddenly suffered acute liver failure followed by cardiac arrest.
She passed away peacefully while my sister, friends, and I chanted daimoku beside her.
Although devastated, I immersed myself in Gakkai activities while simultaneously taking care of my grieving father and our home.
The Battle Within My Own Mind
However, after my father also contracted COVID, my emotional state deteriorated rapidly.
I began experiencing:
Panic attacks
Severe anxiety
Manic depression
I was prescribed high doses of antidepressants.
At the same time, I tried rebuilding life practically too.
In September 2021, I started a small cloud kitchen with a friend.
But internally, I was collapsing.
I lost drastic weight.
I felt emotionally abandoned.
My father’s health also worsened rapidly due to advanced diabetic nephropathy and Parkinson’s disease.
Then on January 22, 2023, my father and I shared one of the deepest conversations of our lives.
For the first time, I could sincerely express my gratitude to him.
Later that same day, he passed away.
After his death, I spiraled emotionally.
I became temperamental, isolated, and trapped within obsessive thoughts and anxiety.
I even began developing OCD-like tendencies.
At one point, after a terrible fallout with my sister, I attempted to harm myself and had to be sedated.
Rediscovering The Treasure Tower Within
When I regained consciousness, the first words that surfaced in my mind were these Gosho lines:
“Abutsu-bo is therefore the treasure tower itself, and the treasure tower is Abutsu-bo himself.”
(‘On the Treasure Tower’, WND-1, 299)
That moment changed something profound inside me.
I realized I had been disrespecting:
My own life
My parents’ lives
My mission for kosen-rufu
For the first time in years, I sat before the Gohonzon with a completely different prayer:
Not simply to escape suffering — but to fully embrace my life and use it to encourage others.
Gradually Rebuilding My Life
With fresh determination, I slowly started rebuilding my life step by step.
I resumed:
Attending daimoku sessions at Kolkata Culture Centre
Visiting members
Encouraging YWDs
Sharing Gosho passages in meetings
I even traveled solo for the first time in five years to encourage a YWD region chief who had also lost her father.
Every such action helped me challenge my social anxiety little by little.
Gradually, my confidence returned.
In July 2024, East India Area recorded an attendance of 1039 YWD members and friends in the YWD Friendship Meetings.
This year, 1167 youth division members and friends attended the March 16th Youth Meetings in East India, with many youth reporting remarkable victories.
Transforming My Home And Heart
Today, my life looks completely different.
Every morning before work, I now chant that the food we prepare in our cloud kitchen brings:
Joy
Health
Warmth
Whenever obsessive or anxious thoughts arise, I consciously chant daimoku to reconnect with Sensei’s heart.
My sister and I — who once struggled deeply in our relationship — have become each other’s strongest support.
I have also found a life partner who stands beside me unconditionally.
Most importantly, we renovated our home and opened it for kosen-rufu activities, fulfilling my parents’ long-cherished wish.
Recently, my psychiatrist shared that because of timely treatment and emotional recovery, my condition is unlikely to become progressively severe.
What I Learned
This journey taught me that faith is not about pretending to be strong.
It is about:
Continuing to stand up even after collapsing
Learning to treasure one’s own life
Transforming suffering into compassion
Using pain to understand others deeply
I now truly understand what it means to reveal the treasure tower within one’s own life.
My Determination
As I graduate into the women’s division, I determine to:
Defeat the devil of illness completely
Chant 10,000 daimoku daily
Read the Gosho every day
Encourage at least one life daily
Always protect and support youth division members
No matter what challenges arise, I now know:
My life itself can become a source of hope for others.