From Self-Destruction To Self-Worth Through Human Revolution

I began practicing 18 years ago as a deeply insecure teenager.

At that time, my life was filled with:

Self-doubt

Financial struggles

Emotional instability

A complete lack of direction

I constantly sought validation from others.

My happiness depended entirely on whether people accepted me or not.

Because I lacked self-worth, I slowly slipped into self-destructive patterns:

Excessive drinking

Unhealthy relationships

Self-harming behavior

Externally, I tried to appear normal.

But internally, I was collapsing.

Chanting Became My Lifeline

Everything slowly began changing after I encountered this practice.

At first, chanting daimoku became simply a way to survive emotionally.

But gradually, I began building a stronger foundation through:

Faith

Practice

Study

The more I studied the Gosho, participated in SGI activities, and challenged myself in shakubuku, the more I began feeling that my life actually had meaning.

One guidance from Ikeda Sensei deeply changed my perspective:

Faith means cherishing our irreplaceable selves.

That idea stayed with me.

Slowly, my destructive tendencies reduced.

Hope began replacing emptiness.

I developed a sense of mission for my future.

I pursued post-graduation in a field of my choice and later carried the same challenging spirit into my workplace as well.

Learning To Face Challenges Without Running Away

As my faith deepened, I learned not to collapse emotionally every time life became difficult.

When my mother met with a severe road accident and her survival looked uncertain, I fought through prayer.

Later, when my uncle battled a life-threatening illness, I again challenged the situation through daimoku and support for others.

These experiences strengthened my conviction that Buddhism was not about escaping problems — it was about becoming strong enough to confront them.

When Mental Health Challenges Intensified

Then in 2018, I faced one of the toughest battles of my life.

I was diagnosed with:

Severe clinical depression

Anxiety disorder

PTSD

There were days when even basic tasks felt impossible.

At times, I could not chant properly.

I did not even know what to pray for anymore.

But my seniors encouraged me gently:

“Even if you don’t know what to pray for, daimoku is purifying your life.”

So I continued.

I also started professional therapy.

At the same time, I began reaching out to YMD members and studying The New Human Revolution with them.

Interestingly, while trying to encourage others, I slowly began healing myself.

Panic Attacks Before Activities

Many people around me never realized what I was struggling with internally.

Before several Gakkai activities, I would experience panic attacks.

My mind would spiral into fear and anxiety.

Yet every single time, I remembered the fighting spirit Sensei described in A Youthful Diary .

I would somehow compose myself and continue forward.

Not perfectly.

But steadily.

COVID Became Another Turning Point

During the COVID lockdown, I was living alone.

A close friend’s 80-year-old mother, who suffered from Alzheimer’s and dementia, was at high risk.

I decided to take her into my home and care for her.

At first, I felt overwhelmed.

But remembering Sensei’s teachings about developing a vast and compassionate heart, I challenged myself to genuinely cherish her as my own mother.

Balancing:

Work pressure

Caregiving responsibilities

Mental health struggles

BSG activities

became intense training for my life.

Another Emotional Collapse

Toward the end of 2022, my long-term relationship ended.

That breakup deeply destabilized me emotionally.

At the same time, workplace stress became severe.

My psychiatrist even advised me to take a six-month sabbatical.

I was prescribed strong antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication.

Further diagnosis revealed that I had actually experienced depressive episodes since a young age.

At that stage, one guidance from Sensei became my anchor:

“Buddhism concerns itself with winning. When we battle a powerful enemy, either we will triumph, or we will be defeated — there is no middle ground.”

(VC, Jun 2009, 158)

Reading this, I made a determination:

I wanted to win.

Turning Pain Into Encouragement

Instead of withdrawing from people, I immersed myself more deeply in activities.

I began visiting YMD members across:

Pune

Mumbai

Nashik

Aurangabad

Baroda

Surat

Ahmedabad

In every interaction, I shared Sensei’s guidance and encouraged members to win through faith.

At the same time, I chanted daily to fundamentally accept myself — strengths, weaknesses, scars, and all.

I challenged myself to live Toda Sensei’s guidance of “doing the work of three” at my workplace as well.

Gradually, I noticed something profound:

Every time I hit a deadlock emotionally, sincere efforts for kosen-rufu elevated my life condition.

The Actual Proof Appeared

Over time, my mental health improved significantly.

Eventually, my psychiatrist completely weaned me off medication.

Because I personally experienced depression and emotional breakdown so intensely, I now deeply empathize with people struggling similarly.

I can genuinely encourage them with hope.

At work too, breakthroughs began appearing:

I received multiple recognitions from senior stakeholders

I attended a workshop in Singapore

I was awarded Employee of the Year

I received two separate 40 percent bonus increases

Beyond my corporate role, I also began working actively toward building a more inclusive workplace for LGBTQ+ colleagues and representing them on leadership forums.

A New Vow At Daiseido

In June 2024, I had the good fortune of attending an SGI youth training course.

While chanting at the Daiseido, I made a fresh vow in my heart:

I will dedicate my life to giving hope to those suffering the most.

Reflection

Looking back now, I realize that my biggest battle was never actually against depression.

It was against the belief that I was fundamentally unworthy.

Buddhism gradually taught me:

To stop hating myself

To stop depending entirely on external validation

To value my own life deeply

And through encouraging others, I slowly rediscovered my own humanity.

Key Takeaways

Mental health recovery is a gradual inner transformation.

Self-worth grows through consistent inner work and contribution.

Encouraging others can become a powerful path toward healing oneself.

Faith and therapy can work together positively.

True victory begins when we stop rejecting ourselves.

Moving Forward

Toward 2030, I now determine to foster a force of 750 strong YMDs across West India.

I want to create an environment where members:

Experience hope

Develop self-worth

Awaken to their mission

Transform suffering into value

Most importantly, I want to continue proving through my own life that no darkness is permanent when a person keeps moving forward with courage, prayer, and human revolution.