From Anxiety and Loss to Becoming a Source of Hope for Others

In 2013, my life reached one of its lowest points.

A long-term relationship had ended, leaving my confidence shattered and my self-esteem at an all-time low. At the same time, my mother was battling severe anxiety and needed constant care. I resigned from my job in Mumbai, returned home to Kolkata, and gradually withdrew from the world around me. I avoided meeting people, rarely stepped outside, and lost hope that life could ever feel joyful again.

It was during this difficult phase that my former roommate introduced me to Nichiren Buddhism.

Initially, I simply started chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo and attending discussion meetings. Gradually, I also began studying the Gosho and Ikeda Sensei's guidance. Little by little, something inside me began to change. My life force started returning. The heaviness that had dominated my heart slowly began to lift.

Participating in Happiness University and studying the Thirty Gosho for Young Women's Division members alongside fellow practitioners strengthened my inner foundation. The support, warmth, and encouragement I received from my Gakkai family became the turning point of my life.

I made a quiet determination that one day I, too, would become that source of encouragement for someone else.

During those years, I also took complete responsibility for caring for my parents, who had become largely dependent on me. Instead of feeling burdened, I gradually developed greater confidence and resilience. Challenges no longer frightened me as they once had.

In 2021, I entered a new phase of life.

I graduated into the Women's Division and, as an answer to my sincere prayers, joined a renowned school as a curriculum planner on May 3rd. I also became a member of the Education Division, which allowed me to contribute in a field I deeply loved.

However, new challenges soon emerged.

My mother's health deteriorated significantly, and she became bedridden. Balancing my professional responsibilities, household duties, and my role as Deputy Women's Division District Chief for a district with many inactive members often felt overwhelming.

Instead of giving in to exhaustion, I returned to the very beginning of my faith with renewed determination.

As district statistics in-charge, I became disciplined about updating attendance immediately after every meeting. I carefully reviewed our membership records, identified members who had stopped attending because of personal struggles, and began reaching out to them one by one.

After work each day, I devoted my evenings to home visits.

I studied the Gosho and Value Creation together with Women's Division and Young Women's Division members, encouraging them to build strong, unshakable lives. Drawing upon my own experiences as a Young Women's Division member, I focused on helping others discover confidence within themselves.

Gradually, our district became more connected. Block chiefs actively stayed in touch with members, and a renewed spirit began emerging throughout the district.

Then life tested me once again.

In February 2022, my mother passed away.

The grief reopened wounds I thought had already healed. My anxiety returned with great intensity. Once again, I found myself withdrawing from people. There were days when even going to work felt frightening.

My senior leaders immediately encouraged me not to ignore my condition and to seek professional medical help. Following their guidance, I consulted a doctor and was diagnosed with a psychosomatic disorder.

I began treatment while simultaneously making a fresh determination to fight this battle through faith.

Rather than isolating myself, I immersed myself even more deeply in Buddhist activities.

Using my flexible work schedule, I spent more time visiting members and encouraging them. I decided to focus completely on creating value in the present moment instead of becoming trapped by fear about the future.

I increased my daimoku significantly and began visiting the Kolkata Kaikan every Saturday for extended chanting sessions. By July, I had completed one million daimoku.

Alongside chanting, I deepened my study like never before.

I completed both volumes of the Gosho, read several volumes of The New Human Revolution , and studied every issue of Value Creation from cover to cover.

As my inner life changed, my external environment also began transforming.

At work, I was entrusted with multiple responsibilities. Despite the increasing workload, I remained calm, fulfilled every assignment sincerely, and consistently met deadlines. My colleagues began noticing the remarkable change in my personality and often asked what had made me so positive and composed.

These conversations naturally became opportunities to share Buddhism with them. Several colleagues eventually began practicing in different parts of Kolkata.

Around the same time, I received responsibility as Deputy Chapter Cubs Coordinator.

My experience in the Education Division proved invaluable. I focused on becoming a genuine friend to every child. Because I had personally experienced grief and anxiety, I could deeply understand the struggles of children facing emotional challenges. One young Cub who had lost a parent gradually opened her heart to me, allowing me to support her through her healing journey.

Meanwhile, wonderful changes also unfolded within my own family.

After seven years away from practice, my brother resumed chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo. He also began helping me with household responsibilities, making it easier for me to continue supporting members through Gakkai activities.

Perhaps my greatest victory was something that could not be measured outwardly.

I overcame the anxiety that had once controlled my life.

A long-cherished wish was fulfilled when I was inducted into the White Lily Group in May 2023. Every roster duty became an opportunity to deepen my gratitude, transform my karma, and contribute joyfully behind the scenes.

Looking back, I realize that the very suffering which once made me withdraw from the world eventually became the source of my deepest compassion for others. Losing confidence taught me how to restore confidence in others. Experiencing anxiety enabled me to understand those silently battling emotional pain.

Today, I determine to base every aspect of my life on the Gosho and the Gohonzon, deepen my faith day after day, continue polishing my life through human revolution, and walk alongside every member as a true friend and steadfast comrade, helping them discover the limitless strength that already exists within their own lives.