Hard to Make Friends? What Nichiren Daishonin Wrote About the Bodhisattva Who Bowed to Everyone

When you want connection but can't take the first step

You'd love to have close friends. You notice people you'd like to know better: a colleague, a neighbour, someone at a class. But when the moment comes to say something, you freeze. What if they're not interested? What if it's awkward? So you wait for them to make the first move. Usually, they don't.

Maybe you've always been shy. Maybe a past rejection taught you to hold back. Maybe you simply don't know how adults make friends, when there's no school or college to throw people together.

If this sounds like you, the Daishonin pointed to a bodhisattva who made the first move with every single person he met, and showed why it's an act of respect, not a risk.

What does the Gosho say about reaching out to others?

Nichiren Daishonin wrote that "the heart of the practice of the Lotus Sutra is found in the 'Never Disparaging' chapter," asking, "What does Bodhisattva Never Disparaging's profound respect for people signify?" (WND-1, 852). This bodhisattva approached everyone and bowed to them, whatever their response. Making the first move is a way of honouring the other person. The Daishonin also praised the influence of "a friend in the orchid room" (WND-1, 23): good friends shape who we become.

The bodhisattva who made the first move

In the Lotus Sutra, Bodhisattva Never Disparaging went up to everyone he met, whether monks, nuns, laymen or laywomen, and bowed to them, saying, in effect, "I respect you, because you have the potential to become a Buddha." Many people mocked him. Some threw sticks and stones. He kept bowing, from a distance if necessary.

The Daishonin saw this as the very heart of Buddhist practice:

> "The heart of the Buddha's lifetime of teachings is the Lotus Sutra, and the heart of the practice of the Lotus Sutra is found in the 'Never Disparaging' chapter. What does Bodhisattva Never Disparaging's profound respect for people signify? The purpose of the appearance in this world of Shakyamuni Buddha, the lord of teachings, lies in his behavior as a human being." > — The Three Kinds of Treasure, WND-1, 851–852

Notice what Never Disparaging did not do. He didn't wait to be approached. He didn't need to be liked first. He reached out because he saw something precious in each person.

Shyness often comes from worrying about how we'll be seen. Never Disparaging turned the question around: what do I see in this person? When you approach someone from respect and genuine interest, the fear of rejection loses much of its power. Their response becomes less important than your sincerity.

A friend in the orchid room

In one of his major works, the Daishonin used an old Chinese image:

> "You have associated with a friend in the orchid room and have become as straight as mugwort growing among hemp." > — On Establishing the Correct Teaching for the Peace of the Land, WND-1, 23

A room full of orchids leaves its fragrance on anyone who enters. Mugwort, a plant that usually grows crooked, grows straight when it is surrounded by tall hemp. The people we spend time with shape us.

That's worth stepping out of your comfort zone for. Look for the kind of people you'd like to grow alongside, and take the first step toward them.

One small step for tonight

Choose one person you'd genuinely like to know better. This week, do one small, low-pressure thing: ask a question about something they care about, compliment something specific, or suggest a coffee.

Before you do, chant for that person's happiness. It shifts your focus from "Will they like me?" to "I want good things for them," which is exactly Never Disparaging's spirit.

If shyness feels overwhelming or is causing you real distress, such as panic, avoiding all social situations or isolating yourself, please consider talking to a counsellor. Social anxiety is common and treatable.

From shy observer to confident and outgoing

Neha encountered Nichiren Buddhism in her final year of medical school, when academic pressure felt overwhelming. Through faith and practice she came through that stressful time successfully. But she says the deeper change was inside her: she transformed from an introvert, a shy observer and someone hesitant to express herself into a confident, courageous and outgoing person. She went on to become a doctor, a mother of two, and a frontline leader who made discussion meetings joyful and supported many people through encouragement and prayer.

Her story, and others like it, are below.

Frequently asked questions

How do I make friends if I'm shy?

Start small and approach people from genuine interest in them, as Bodhisattva Never Disparaging did. The Daishonin called this respect for people the "heart of the practice" (WND-1, 852). Small, repeated contacts build friendships more than big gestures.

How do I overcome fear of rejection?

Shift your focus from how you'll be received to what you appreciate in the other person. Not everyone will respond, and that's okay. Never Disparaging kept bowing even when people mocked him.

What should I chant for to make good friends?

Chant for the courage to reach out, for good friends to appear, and for the happiness of the people you'd like to know. The Daishonin taught that good company is like "a friend in the orchid room" (WND-1, 23).

Is it okay to be introverted?

Yes. Introversion isn't a flaw. You don't need many friends, just a few genuine ones. Reaching out a little more often is enough.

Which Gosho should I read when I find it hard to make friends?

The Three Kinds of Treasure (WND-1, 848–853) and On Establishing the Correct Teaching for the Peace of the Land (WND-1, 6–32).

Sources

All passages are from The Writings of Nichiren Daishonin, Volume I (WND-1):

- The Three Kinds of Treasure, pp. 851–852 - On Establishing the Correct Teaching for the Peace of the Land, p. 23