Always Comparing Yourself to Others? What Nichiren Daishonin Wrote About Counting Someone Else's Wealth
When everyone else seems further ahead
A classmate's promotion. A cousin's new house. A friend's wedding photos, holiday photos, baby photos. You scroll, and with every post you feel a little smaller, a little more behind.
Sometimes it turns into envy, and then guilt for feeling envious of people you care about. Sometimes it's quieter: a constant background measuring of where you are against where everyone else seems to be. Even good news in your own life feels small next to someone else's.
If comparison is stealing your joy, the Daishonin described it with an image that could have been written for the age of social media.
What does the Gosho say about comparing yourself to others?
Nichiren Daishonin compared seeking happiness outside oneself to "a poor man who spends night and day counting his neighbor's wealth but gains not even half a coin" (WND-1, 3). Comparison costs you time and joy, and gains you nothing. He also wrote, "When you look at those of superior capacity, do not disparage yourself… when you compare yourself with persons of inferior capacity, do not be arrogant" (WND-1, 62). Comparison distorts in both directions.
Counting your neighbour's wealth
In one of his very first letters, the Daishonin wrote:
> "If you seek enlightenment outside yourself, then your performing even ten thousand practices and ten thousand good deeds will be in vain. It is like the case of a poor man who spends night and day counting his neighbor's wealth but gains not even half a coin." > — On Attaining Buddhahood in This Lifetime, WND-1, 3
Night and day, counting someone else's riches, and gaining nothing. That is exactly what endless comparison feels like. Hours spent measuring your life against others' highlight reels, and coming away poorer in spirit every time.
The Daishonin's remedy isn't to stop noticing others. It's to turn your attention back to your own life, where your real treasure lies.
Comparison distorts in both directions
In an early letter, the Daishonin wrote:
> "When you look at those of superior capacity, do not disparage yourself. The Buddha's true intention was that no one, even those of inferior capacity, be denied enlightenment. Conversely, when you compare yourself with persons of inferior capacity, do not be arrogant and overproud." > — Questions and Answers about Embracing the Lotus Sutra, WND-1, 62
Comparison makes us feel either small or superior, and neither is true. Both pull our attention away from the only race that matters: becoming more fully ourselves.
Many people find that when they start genuinely celebrating others' success, praying for it even, envy loses its grip. Another person's happiness doesn't reduce yours. There is no shortage.
One small step for tonight
Notice when comparison hits today: which app, which person, which situation. Consider taking a short break from whatever triggers it most.
Then write down three things that have grown in your own life over the past year, measured against your past self, not against anyone else.
Chant for your own growth, and for the happiness of the person you envy most. It's hard at first, and it is surprisingly freeing.
From needing to win to helping others win
As a teenager, Arjun constantly compared himself with others and depended on praise to feel good about himself. If someone else succeeded, he felt insecure. He started practising hoping to become rich and famous quickly. Then a painful year of setbacks forced him to look deeper. Through years of chanting and supporting others, he gradually transformed insecurity into confidence and comparison into appreciation. He went on to break a university athletics record, complete his master's, and launch his own clothing brand and fitness academy. Today, he says, he finds joy not in outperforming others but in helping people win in their own lives.
His story, and others like it, are below.
Frequently asked questions
How do I stop comparing myself to others?
Turn your attention back to your own growth, limit what triggers comparison, and practise celebrating others' success. The Daishonin likened comparison to "a poor man who spends night and day counting his neighbor's wealth" (WND-1, 3).
Is it wrong to feel envious?
Envy is a natural human feeling. What matters is what you do with it. Use it as a signal of what you want, then work toward it in your own life, without resentment.
What should I chant for when I feel jealous of a friend?
Chant for their happiness, and for your own growth. Many people find that sincerely praying for the person they envy dissolves the envy.
How do I deal with social media making me feel worse?
Notice how you feel after scrolling, mute or unfollow accounts that consistently trigger comparison, and spend that time on something that grows your own life.
Which Gosho should I read when I keep comparing myself?
On Attaining Buddhahood in This Lifetime (WND-1, 3–5) and Questions and Answers about Embracing the Lotus Sutra (WND-1, 55–67).
Sources
All passages are from The Writings of Nichiren Daishonin, Volume I (WND-1):
- On Attaining Buddhahood in This Lifetime, p. 3 - Questions and Answers about Embracing the Lotus Sutra, p. 62