Don't Feel Safe at Home? What Nichiren Daishonin Wrote About the Most Precious Treasure
Title: Don't Feel Safe at Home? What Nichiren Daishonin Wrote About the Most Precious Treasure
> If you are in danger right now, please contact your local emergency number or a domestic violence helpline immediately. Your safety matters more than anything on this page. If someone may check your phone or computer, consider reading this on a device they can't access, and clearing your browser history afterwards.
When home is where you're afraid
Abuse doesn't always look the way people imagine. It can be hitting or pushing. But it can also be constant insults, threats, checking your phone, controlling every bit of money you spend, cutting you off from friends and family, or making you feel that everything is your fault.
Maybe you find yourself walking on eggshells, measuring every word. Maybe you keep telling yourself it isn't that bad, that they'll change, that you should try harder.
If any of this feels familiar, please hear this clearly: you do not deserve to be treated this way. Nothing you have done makes it acceptable. And nothing in Buddhism asks you to endure abuse.
What does the Gosho say about abuse?
Nichiren Daishonin taught that "life is the most precious of all treasures" (WND-1, 955). Your life and safety are worth protecting above everything else. He also praised a woman who, finding her child's father could not be relied upon, made a long and dangerous journey with her daughter, assuring her that the Buddhas and protective deities would "protect you, just as a shadow accompanies the body" (WND-1, 325).
Your life is the most precious treasure
When the wife of his follower Toki Jonin was seriously ill, the Daishonin wrote to her:
> "Life is the most precious of all treasures. Even one extra day of life is worth more than ten million ryo of gold." > — On Prolonging One's Life Span, WND-1, 955
Some people believe that enduring abuse is a form of patience, or a way of "changing karma," or what a good spouse or a good practitioner should do. The Daishonin's words point the other way. Your life is the most precious treasure there is. Protecting it is not selfish. It is the foundation of everything else, including your practice, your children's wellbeing and your future happiness.
Buddhism teaches that we can transform our circumstances. Sometimes transformation means having the courage to leave, to get help, or to set firm boundaries, not to stay silent.
You are not alone
The woman the Daishonin named Nichimyo had separated from her husband, who, he noted, "was not to be depended upon" for their daughter's care. With her infant daughter, she made a long and dangerous journey to visit the Daishonin in exile. He wrote to her:
> "You should know that Shakyamuni Buddha, Many Treasures Buddha, the Buddhas of the ten directions who are Shakyamuni's emanations, great bodhisattvas such as Superior Practices and Boundless Practices, Brahma, Shakra, the four heavenly kings, and other deities will protect you, just as a shadow accompanies the body." > — Letter to the Sage Nichimyo, WND-1, 325
The Daishonin did not see a woman alone. He saw someone accompanied by every protective force in the universe.
That protection also takes very human forms: the friend you confide in, the helpline worker who answers, the fellow member who offers a spare room, the counsellor who helps you make a plan. Reaching out to them is not a lack of faith. It is how protection reaches you.
One small step for tonight
Tell one person you trust what is really happening. Keep the number of your local domestic violence helpline somewhere safe.
If you can, begin a simple safety plan with a helpline or support worker: a safe place to go, important documents and some money kept somewhere accessible, and a code word with a trusted friend.
Chant for your safety and your children's safety, and for the courage and wisdom to take the next right step. Faith and practical help belong together.
Learning to respect her own life
Kavita's childhood was marked by loss and hardship, and she was married off young into a household where she endured years of exhausting labour and cruelty. When she was pregnant and refused pressure to end the pregnancy, she was beaten. Her daughter was born safely, and became the reason Kavita refused to give in to despair. Through practice, she came to a turning point: she realised she did not yet fully respect her own life. She resolved to become financially independent and to protect her daughter. She pursued further education, and eventually made the courageous decision to move out. Even after she faced further violence, she kept going, supported by fellow members and colleagues. She went on to earn promotions at work and build a life of dignity for herself and her daughter.
Frequently asked questions
Does Buddhism say I should endure abuse to change my karma?
No. The Daishonin taught that "life is the most precious of all treasures" (WND-1, 955). Protecting your life and your children's safety comes first. Transforming karma never means staying in danger.
How do I know if what I'm experiencing is abuse?
If you feel afraid of your spouse, are being hurt, threatened, humiliated, isolated, or controlled in what you do, who you see or how you spend money, that is abuse. A domestic violence helpline can help you understand your situation, confidentially.
What should I chant for if I'm in an abusive relationship?
Chant for your safety, for courage, for wisdom about your next step, and for the right people to support you. Then take practical action: reach out to a helpline or someone you trust.
Is it wrong to leave my marriage?
No. Leaving an abusive relationship can be one of the most courageous and life-affirming choices a person makes. A helpline or support worker can help you leave as safely as possible.
Which Gosho should I read if I don't feel safe at home?
On Prolonging One's Life Span (WND-1, 954–956) and Letter to the Sage Nichimyo (WND-1, 321–327). But please, reach out for help first.
Sources
All passages are from The Writings of Nichiren Daishonin, Volume I (WND-1):
- On Prolonging One's Life Span, p. 955 - Letter to the Sage Nichimyo, p. 325